We are in the fifth month of this year and I have already gained and lost and gained and lost again around 05-20 pounds. I started the year with Size 12-14, I got to 16-18, went 14-16, went up to 18 then got back to 16. I am not a typical yo-yo dieter. I am an emotional eater and it is sabotaging my weight loss plan.
Eating has always been my primary coping emotional mechanism but years ago, I would express my pain, frustration, disappointment, fear through tears. However, nowadays, my feelings turned into calories. Whenever I am upset, angry, stressed, hurt or afraid, I eat. That chocolate melting on my tongue and the liquid making his way through my stomach; that cheesy and meaty food making me feel oh so better- so soothing…so relieving….FOR THE TIME BEING! Afterward, I am left with double guilt and shame: the guilt of having unhealthily addressed my problems and the guilt of having consumed unnecessary calories that will eventually screw up my weight; the shame of having failed to control my body.
What’s bad about my emotional hunger also is that it makes me crave fatty foods and sugary snacks that provide an immediate rush- chocolate, pizza, steak and cheese sandwich, velvet cake, etc…
Sometimes, I manage not to eat to compensate my emotional needs and it works just fine-getting better at it actually. However, on days like today, all I can afford is being an emotional eater: turning my feelings into calories.
Confessions of an emotional eater.